LBI Old Barney. As he is lovingly referred to around here. An icon. A beacon. He’s …


Old Barney.

As he is lovingly referred to around here. An icon. A beacon. He’s currently under construction, as am I.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve walked and boated past this lighthouse and climbed to the top. Or maneuvered the rocks on the jetty beneath it, finding the perfect place to sit and gaze at the inlet, bay, and ocean while pondering life.

This picture is a favorite of mine & a throwback to about a year ago. I was full of content, joy, smiles, and love. I felt I had finally gotten to a good place. So I thought. But looking back, I realize just like the lighthouse is today, I was covered in scaffolding.

I was in the midst of rebuilding and refurbishing.

My marriage and divorce had drained the life from me. Changed me. I’d become a version of myself I was no longer happy with. So I had to put up the scaffolding & refurbish myself. It’s been a process. And not an easy one. I’ve certainly made mistakes along the way.

What I’ve recognized in the past year or so is that my scaffolding became bricks- a wall. My heart is tender and easily bruised. It was damaged deeply throughout the course of my marriage & divorce. It needs to be treated gently right now, perhaps forever. My wall is my defense mechanism & a source of protection. I recognize it’s purpose. There are very few that are allowed access past it – and you know who you are.

I’m still refurbishing & rebuilding. Taking steps, learning lessons, recognizing things about myself, making changes, and becoming stronger. I suppose that’s just life, that we’re all doing it. Or at least we should be. It’s part of the journey.

I just hope that along the way, you always remember to be kind and to love gently. Those that have access to my heart do just that.

So my construction isn’t done. I’ve yet to be fully revealed. But I’m working on it.

In the meantime, I cannot wait for the reveal of Old Barney once they’re done the project. But he too will be weathered again & eventually in need of another refurbishment. Such is life.

Sending love. And hugs. And smiles. 🤍

#oldbarney #barnegatlighthouse #barnegatlight #lbi #longbeachisland #refurbish #rebuildingmyself #learningtolovemyself

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